… crafted with supreme care by yours truly:

I hacked away merrily, the red crimson absentmindedly showering me like a warm spring drizzle. I grin happily that my blade is making acquaintances with so many new friends, their enthusiasm palpable.

As I unveiled his deadly surprise,
His face turned to shock
Exuberantly I brought his demise
And the trunk closed with a lock.

Methodically I separated the parts
Tenderly I placed them down
Oh how I love to see their hearts
But still on their faces a frown.

Gleefully trotting along my usual route
I came upon such a wondrous couple
I simply had to try them out
Their skin was just so supple.

Stealthily I started the game
I could only just contain my laughter
Training my machete on his frame
He smiled forever thereafter.

There in the garden I sat, blissfully lounging in the sun. I reminisced thoughtfully about my previous neighbors – such a nice bunch they were, so warm and caring. I still don’t know why they looked so ghastly when I offered them a beautiful, cleanly sheared Rose when they moved in. I picked it specially from my garden for them, and they looked offended when I offered it as a token of neighborly love. I don’t think I’ll understand why, as we had that chat in my dining room, the father was so upset when I demonstrated my supreme gardening abilities. His wife never looked more precious, in my opinion. Sighing, I decided maybe people just don’t like Roses, maybe they would prefer an Angie or a Juliet. His wife’s name was Katherine, maybe she would make a good housewarming present for the next neighbors.

Shouting and cursing, that’s all they do. Policemen don’t know how to play nicely with other boys, and especially girls. Just the other day I saw one who didn’t like what that poor little girl was telling him, and he only got angrier as she refused him. When he grabbed her, I decided I would have to have a chat with them. Mister policeman sure did plead a lot with me once I told him how sad he made me by not playing nice. I know he truly meant it, people always truly mean it when you pull the crimson ribbons out of them. They hate that. It never goes back in right either.

Cut, snip, slice your throat, gently down the seams… Merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is just a thing. (sung to the style of row row row your boat)